December 18, 2006

On a odd night with nothing to do

A man has got to do what a man has got to do and on a useless night, with nothing much to do except orkut with not many friends online and those online not responding, one has got to come back here and do what one has wanted to do for a long time

Once I wrote long about my life and confusions, and after having written a lot, I decided that it wasn't just worth while trying to explain what was happening in your life, then I simply didn't publish the thing, then about six months later, I got back to dashboard and posted it again.

One day a prof said to me that growing up meant, you had to have grow out of yourself. He asked if I could just go to a person, say a prof, without any reason, just because u felt like. I said no. Today, I went half the way

One day I said to myself, that I didn't know what I want. I said to myself then, that probably nobody does. Today I thought about what I wanted, I still don't know

I want to earn money, but I don't want to be rich
I want to write all the I's I write to be in capitals
i am not sure, i can always do it

My bro wants me to set my goals. No to go to america is not my goal. No I don't love my nation. I loved it. But now I don't understand what it means. No I don't mind going to america. No I don't mind earning money. No I don't want to be rich. I probably don't want to be famous. Yes I want people to listen.

I wanted to be Howard Roark. I know I am not. Still I would have liked to be.
I am very ordinary. I don't want to be. I try to find special things or thoughts in me. i find them. I find then, they are fairly ordinary too.

I don't want need to many people. I want to be needed. I want to be there when I am needed. I am not always there. I am not sure I am sorry, but probably I am

I love people who hate me. That's probably because I like to be important. But I am not sure many people really hate me. I like to be invisible or be really seen. I am most of times somewhere in middle. I hate to be in middle of road. I find myself there most of times.

I like writing. I can't get myself to do that very well or very often. I am lazy

I say i too many times. and give I too much importance.

Saying all this will not change one thing in me.