October 08, 2008

So Hows life

So, How is life people!

Been trying to prepare for GRE for last like 3-4 weeks. Not that I spent a lot of time preparing, but I did spend a lot of time preparing to prepare, by taking that one last nap before I study and by playing that one last game of FIFA before I get back and not touch it before October the 13th. Ya thats the date, not a friday so dont worry

This is not about GRE or preparation for GRE, this is something else. I have been living a good life for last one year or so, I am doing a job that I like doing, I am having a good personal life and all, I am talking to a lot of people, so it is not like the 6-7 months that I was interning in TI where I was basically communicating to two people and a phone and a wall.

So what is it about, life is good: no guitar ( I realize that it needs far more too much commitment that I am willing to offer, or it needs a good teacher which I am unwilling to spend time/money on because I wanted to be a self-learnt kind of shit), no writing (work keeping me too busy for any kind of writing, I am supposed to write atleast 3-4 long documents which document my work so effectively nothing else), no music (Its only once in a while I realize how long it has been since I used my headphones and then I get to it for a few hours), no running (not since the Bangalore 10k last december), no cooking (its too much effort, and Gunjan loves it, so he cooks most of the time we are not eating out, occasional bread and egg, if that qualifies as cooking), no reading (nothing, except work, no reading, I don't know why)

What else is there? No going out of town (I wish to, so much to get the heck out of here on the bike, preferably), No reading Astrix and obelix in crossword (They used to be very costly to buy, so I used to be at crosswords whole day, sometimes, and read them there: avg speed 1hr per copy)

Ok. the reason I write this blog is not to talk about whatever I have talked about till now. It is something else. One day, about 4-5 years ago, someone told me in a way of analyzing one's personality that I am very image concious. Now, being the way that I am, I want to be too complex for people to understand. Not that I put in any effort in that, but it simply works out. Anybody you see around is too complex for anybody to understand "completely". Thats simply because when u try to analyze a person, you tend to simplify things, and thereby losing out important information which becomes exception. This is true for any study, scientific or otherwise.
So what about that comment. I think it is true. The only way I think is by thinking about what others think of me. Now, this "others" is not everybody. It is people who think should think good about me. It is not people who I know are with me. I do not, in my actions, consider what people who KNOW me think about me. So that would be family and her and one or two friends who have ideas of me fixed to their mind which is very hard for any of my actions to change. So, it is not them, but everybody else.
That also, may be a simplification of sorts, and I know that there are a lot of people, a whole lot of people who think in a similar way. But the question really is, is there anyway to break free from this? When I started to think about typical ways to breakfree like going off to unknown places, I think about what those people would react to my breaking free.

This is all ok. But the biggest problem is that there are not many, in these 'others' who really care about me or what happens to me. They know me today, and used to know me 5 days later. So, it is such a waste of time to be thinking about what these guys think.

Well, it is complicated.